- Perhaps I’m in the throes of another passing fancy
- Maybe a million monkeys with a million laptops wrote this by accident.
- Or permaybehaps it’s a good idea.
Still, that doesn’t answer the question. Ostensibly, I’m writing the same email to everyone I know. It’s an attempt to compensate for my lack of contact with you all and although it’s not the same as a personal email, it’s the best I can do.
If you’ve ever received an email from me, (and you probably wouldn’t be here if you haven’t) you’ll know what to expect but if you’ve never had the pleasure, you can expect great declarations of enthusiasm for the things I like, scathing denunciations of the things I don’t mixed in with a little self-deprecation and mild humour that isn’t funny at all.
For professional reasons, I’ll try to avoid swearing unless it’s absolutely necessary.
What you needn’t expect are as follows…
- Diary entries from the point of view of my cat - even if she’s a very fine cat, nobody cares about other people’s animals.
- Theories on giant lizards. (I think I’m over that now.)
- Blatant lies.
- The pitiful sight of me whining about the lack of comments.
- Details of my normal-as-hell life.
- Undeserved endorsement or other breaches of integrity.
- Long swathes of bullshit that go on for pages and pages and never seem to stop or indeed go anywhere.
- Infuriating spelling mistakes and grammatical atrocities. (but nobody’s perfect)
- Long, empty weeks without anything…unless I’ve been decapitated or otherwise incapacitated.
My mission statement is to deliver a regular stream of new and exciting information so that you, my trusted friends, are never bored. All I ask in return is that you keep me up to date with anything interesting that you happen to come across so that I can type some drivel and claim it as my own idea.
That just about wraps it up, hopefully you’ll enjoy it.
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I have resisted the temptation to comment by simply writing "First!", but you can rest assured that, had I done so, it would have been an attempt at irony, rather than an exhibition of a lack of imagination. (mark)
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