121 episodes later...

So Lost ended this week. Many of you didn’t have the stamina to hold out for a full six seasons. Come to think of it, I know for a fact that most of you couldn’t even get to the end of the first episode.

I’ve brought it up before in conversation and the response was so universal that I can quote the whole thing word for word. In this reconstruction, the part of me will be played by me, and Joe will play the rest of you.

Me - “So, have you watched Lost?”
Joe - “Never really got into it.”
Me - “Oh you should, it’s awesome.”
Joe - “I watched some of the first season.”
Me - “And?”
Joe - “I got a bit sick of it.”
Me - “Really. Which part of it did you get sick of?”
Joe - “The I-don’t know-what-the-hell-is-going-on part.”
Me - “You just need to stick with it,
Joe - “I don’t think so.”
Me - “Go on, give it a go.”
Joe - “No.”
Me - “I’ll lend you the first season.”
Joe - “Go away please.”

And that’s pretty much how the conversation goes every time.

Well, the whole thing is over now, so if you want to know what happened in the five-and-a-half seasons that you missed, it went like this...

(umm...spoiler alert, I guess)

Oceanic 815 crashes on the ‘island’. There are others on the island already. These others are called ‘The Others”. Some of them are anyway, any others are just other Others. The survivors find a hatch half-way through the first season and in the end, they blow the door off, but nobody gets to find out what’s inside until the second season begins. Meanwhile, there’s a scary cloud killing things.

At the bottom of the hatch is a Dharma Initiative computer station. There’s a mad Scotsman inside, pushing a button on an Acorn Electron every 108 minutes to stop…well the point of the season is that we don’t know what will happen if the button doesn’t get pressed. In the finale, they don’t press the button and the whole station implodes. In the meantime, we find out about the Dharma Initiative.

Season three has the best intro out of all of the others. It looks like a normal day in suburbia but it turns out that these new people are the feared Others and the plane exploding in the sky is Oceanic 815. We spend this season finding out about the Others and eventually there’s a big battle.

In season four, everyone is confused because the flashbacks are now showing the future. Takes a bit of getting used to. The survivors have to face peril when a boat full of mercenaries turns up. At the end of the season, some of the main characters make it off the island…and the flash-forwards make some degree of sense. However, the island disappears in a flash of light, like Paul Daniels.

Season five is where it gets really confusing. Those who got off the island have to convince the world that they are the only survivors from the crash whilst the rest bounce around in time for a while. They eventually settle in the 1974 and end up working for the Dharma Initiative. Everyone else finds a way to meet them there. The finale ends with our heroes nuking the island.

In the final season, they all find themselves on the island in contemporary times. Turns out, the ex-cripple isn’t the ex-cripple anymore. He’s the scary cloud and he must be stopped or…you don’t want to know. Well, they stop him anyway, so we never find out what could have happened, but that doesn’t matter.

Nothing matters.

None of it mattered because everybody dies eventually and they all meet up in a church in purgatory.

The End.

I can’t deny it. It was a bit of a let-down, but at least now it’s over and thanks to my handy guide, all of you naysayers never need to watch it.
A ‘thank you’ would be nice …